Long Distance Relationship Advice For Guys – My Answer To A Great Question
The long distance relationship advice for guys today is from a comment on my post: 14 Benefits Of A Long Distance Relationship: The Most Complete List From My Own Experience. My reader Marcus has raised a very good question about the topic “Trust” in a long distance relationship context from his own experience. This is a very good question and I gave him an answer which I believe will benefit more people if I make it a post itself. Let’s get started.
Here is his comment:
It really looks like you and your girlfriend love each other and have your future planned out.
I can totally agree with all of the 14 benefits that you lay out but I still have the problem of not being near her in a long distance relationship.
I personally need the physical contact with my lover or I will go crazy. Also like you said it’s hard when she is not there for you to “monitor”. You think that she might do some bad things.
This is horrible to think because I know that she would never do anything like that to me. But I just can’t help it to feel this way.
What’s your tip of trying to trust her enough so that you can survive a long distance relationship? I hate to say the word trust because I trust her to 110%. Maybe it’s myself that I don’t trust?” ~Marcus
He has a problem with himself. He trusts his girlfriend a lot but he is still feeling miserable and unsure about the long distance relationship. I believe some of you guys are also facing similar issues. Let’s see my advice for him which is also the advice for all of you guys!
Here is my reply to him:
Thank you for the great comment and question.
If you really trust her, then you will definitely believe deep in your heart that she won’t do some bad things. But, feeling the void when you are far away from her and are lacking the physical contact is a different thing. For you, I think you are just feeling the void without her. Your miserable feeling could come from your tendency to know everything about her and what she is doing. Don’t consider this as not trusting her or yourself. This happens to me as well. Congratulations! It actually shows that you care about her a lot and love her to heart. So you feel that you cannot afford to miss anything about her. You want to spend all the time in the world with her.
Here is my advice to you:
You are thinking too much! Most of the time is your mentality that is playing with you. She is already far away from you. There is no point not trusting her or else you are actually not trusting the relationship and your relationship will definitely not work out. You also said that you actually trust her 110%. That’s why I say it’s your mentality that is playing with you.
What you need to do is to concentrate on your own personal endeavors, go out with friends or play sports. You need to plan your day and live your own life. This is because, she also has her own life there as well. You need to give her space. She actually trusts you.
So…What you need to do is…
1. Live your own life – Pursue your own endeavors.
2. Give her space
3. Plan for times to talk or video chat (You definitely need time to talk and communicate verbally. Text messages cannot replace verbal communication. Just discuss with her and come out with timings when both of you can make it.)
4. Send her messages to show your care for her occasionally throughout the day
5. Give her surprise (Mail her cards/presents… Surprise call but make sure you don’t disturb her while she is not free)
Keep in mind that there is actually trust between you. You just have to strive on and keep the relationship going. By engaging yourself in more activities you will realize that your miserable feeling will diminish.
I hope these advice helps you. I hope you find your way to interact with your girlfriend and eventually overcome your own mental obstacle.
If you have anymore questions, don’t hesitate to approach me again. I’m more than willing to help you:)
Today’s Long Distance Advice For Guys
I can understand that some or even most of you may feel miserable when you lost the physical contact with your girlfriend, just like Marcus. But, keep in mind that it is probably your own mentality that is playing with you. You will definitely have mental obstacles to overcome. This goes the same to girls.
The MOST important thing you must remember after reading this post is that…
- You need to trust her
- You need to keep the relationship going
- You need to occupy and invest in yourself to overcome the void feeling without her!
I hope this answers to many of your questions. Same thing again, if you have any questions, do raise it up to me either at the comment below or at LDR FAQ.
Hope to hear from you soon!